he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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