He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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