Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
