some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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