i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
