11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize