one two three fourrrrnication!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
