Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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