it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
