the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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