I accidentally burped into my bong.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
