I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
