She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
