1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
