I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
