How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
