I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
