Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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