I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
