I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.