so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.