I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.