just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's