were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
