your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
organizing the empties. That sober.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
