And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
