i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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