sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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