friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
