Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
