Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
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I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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