So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
