he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
