wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
