he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
