Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you didnt know i had herpes?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
