the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
