took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
