forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
