I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
