Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
