I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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