Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
