every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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