I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
