I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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