Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
