last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
