At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
