Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
