she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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