And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
