I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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