She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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