I hope mine doesn't look like that
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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