I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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