I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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