i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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